Why we always cancel on our friends

Now that lockdown is relaxing an eeny wheeny titsy bit, no doubt your calendar is popping off with invites for some top social gathering. But, before you start filling your diary, it's worth casting your minds back to the distant past, otherwise known as 2019.

Back then, life was easy, you could see your friends and will, and make plans just as easily. But if you concentrate a bit, you might remember that for all those grand social plans you made, how many did youa actually go through with, and how many were canceled at the last minute? While your friends might think less of you for doing so, psychologists say it's perfectly normal.

Big time bailing ⚽

Humans, you see are terrible at knowing how they might feel in the future. When you're out with friends having a good time and someone shouts, "why don't we all go to Ibiza for the summer?" you instantly respond, "that is a fantastic idea!"

What you've done there is use your present feelings of awesomeness and laid them at the feet of future you to deal with.

This mismatch between the abstractness of our plans when they’re in the distance and their concrete nature once they’re imminent helps partly explain why you’ve fallen into the canceling habit.

Your friends ask you to a party, it sounds fun, and it’s nice to be asked. Then the event draws near and the practicalities kick in: you’ve got to make your way there, you can’t stand your friend’s friend who’s coming too, and you’ve got work early in the morning. Future you is left picking up the bill for past you.

Writing cheques your (future) body can't cash ☑️

The key is to use a smaller time frame to imagine what sort of mood you might be in. Here's a useful exercise:

• A friend asks you to meet up for a drink on Friday night in the city.
• Ask yourself: is that something I'd like to do tonight?
• If the answer is yes, you're more likely to commit to the event in future.
• If the answer is no, that gives you an indication of how likely you are to commit further down the line.

Another helpful tip to help manage with the bailing is to keep a diary on how you felt the last time you went out when you didn't want to. When you got home after said night, did you feel better for going out, or was it a big mistake? Those feelings are subconsciously influencing your future decisions.

We're terrible at predicting future moods, but by looking at the past, we can get better at avoiding being the guy or girl who always cancels.