Why are assholes so appealing?

Assholes, we love to hate them. Whether it's the villain in a movie, a boss that made our life a living hell, or a friend or partner who seemed to delight in tormenting us.

But what makes them so compelling a prospect? Why does the idea of Alex Ferguson (the former Manchester United manager) throwing a shoe at David Beckham during a half time team talk intrigue us so much? It turns out, there are lots of reasons. why

What constitutes a bad person? 🤔

According to Scott Barry Kaufman, David Yaden, Elizabeth Hyde and Eli Tsukayama, who have done extensive work on the dark and light triad of personality, people who occupied the dark side of the triad (the asshole part) tended to be:

• Younger
• Male
• Motivated by power
• Uses sex transactionally
• Immature defense styles
• Conspicuous consumption
• A high propensity for selfishness

On top of that, people who occupied the dark triad tended to have lower life satisfaction, be less conscientious, less agreeable, have lower levels of empathy and a belief that people are good, and indeed, themselves are 'good'. They sound positively wicked, don't they?

However, dark triad personalities were also found to be stronger in areas to do with creativity, bravery, leadership, assertiveness and preferred to do things that were considered mildly frightening or highly unpredictable.

Conversely, those whose personality favoured the lighter side of the triad tended to be older, female, have less childhood unpredictability, higher levels of religiosity and spirituality, and reported higher levels of life satisfaction. But what makes these 'dark triad' traits so, well, appealing?

Assholes are surprisingly rare 💎

When Kaufman and his colleagues tallied up all the scores they had collected in their research (you can take the test below), the average person is tipped more toward the light relative to the dark in their everyday patterns of thoughts, behaviours and emotions.

There were surprisingly very few extremely malevolent people in the study. This rarity means these people tend to stand out from others. Our brains are designed to spot things that are potentially dangerous and remember them. Things that aren't a threat? Our brains tend to ignore them.

This idea is what happens when we go into our own houses - we can't smell what our house smells like, because our brains have decided there's no threat. But go into a stranger's house and your brain is more active, it's looking for threatening smells.

Assholes stay in our heads because, well, they're perceived as threats. But, it doesn't stop there.

Rebel with a cause 🧑‍🎤

Assholes tend to embody ideas that a community or society would deem rebellious. They have a level of taboo that we can find thrilling. “When we want something we can’t or shouldn’t have, our desire for it grows exponentially,” says clinical sexologist Dr Sarah Melancon.

These rebels hold traits that we wish we had in ourselves, and as such, we're drawn to them in the hope that these ideas rub off on us. It's why we all cheer when we watch shows where the protagonist rage quits a job or does something outlandish. Rooting for them is rooting for ourselves.

The halo effect 😇

Once we've spotted a trait in a person that we admire or respect, we then apply something called the "halo effect" with these wise guys.    

The halo effect is a psychological quirk that leads people to believe that the person possesses other traits that they like, even if evidence suggests they don't.

"Typically, when an individual is attracted to someone, that individual automatically assumes that he or she is going to be good, thus ignoring negative personality traits," says Elise Banfield, a psychology professor. We're discounting the bad and overemphasising the good.

Lastly, but by no means least, assholes invoke a sense of fear.

Scarily in love 💌

People who are unpredictable, volatile, and aloof tend to invoke a fear response: "am I going to get a bollocking from this person? Are they going to lose their shit today?"

Fear, it turns out plays a huge role in nonsexual arousal.

It causes a rush of chemicals that we typically associate with attraction — adrenaline, endorphins and dopamine. Arousal and attraction share many of the same feelings attached to them: sweaty hands and acceleration of heart rate are both symptoms of fear and attraction, causing confusion between the two in some cases.

In essence, assholes are appealing in the same way that riding a rollercoaster is. But like any good rollercoaster ride, often the best bit is getting off them.

Ok, where can I learn more? 📚

• Want to know where you sit on the asshole scale? You can take the test produced by Scott Barry Kaufman that I referenced in the piece.
• Why we love difficult partners - from the ever wonderful School of Life.
• The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships - a deeper dive into the research behind attraction.